"Some of those kids hadn't ovulated by the age of 18."

I have been so pleased with the things I watch on TV ever since getting a TiVo. I don't watch as much television as I used to and now I actually watch only what I want to instead of just whatever is on during the times I have free. That being said, Amy and I have been watching two of the goofiest things imaginable lately: Beauty and the Geek and Celebrity Charades.

I used to despise reality shows. I never watched them and I had kind of a snobby attitude towards those who did enjoy them. When Survivor hit big in 2000 I scoffed at it. Then when all the imitators followed I kept my distance. At the time I felt that I had already gotten all the reality TV I could ever want out of my seasons of The Real World. I devotedly watched those first five seasons as they ran parallel to my high school years. I haven't seen a single episode since, but there are things that happened in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, London, and Miami that I remember more vividly than things that happened in my own life from 1992 to 1996. For that I am ashamed. It is that shame that steered me away from reality shows. Ever since the reality boom I have slowly lost my girp on why I don't watch them and have let a handful of them slip into my viewing habits. I always thought I had control on the reality habit though. First up was the second season of American Idol. I watched every minute of it. I was entertained despite hearing some of the worst singing I have ever willingly subjected myself to and haven't really watched the show since. Next there was a season of Celebrity Mole. I blame Amy for this one. She would be watching it when I got home from class on Wednesday nights and it would have been rude of me to steal the remote and change the channel. So I put up with 12 episodes of Kathy Griffin, Stephen Baldwin, and a very out of place Ahmad Rashad. Although when it was over I missed it. To fill that guilty pleasure hole in my viewing schedule I next turned to the first season of The Surreal Life. Who's going to blame me on this one though? It was MC Hammer, Webster, Vince Neil and Corey Feldman living in the same house! Come on! No? Okay, good call. It was over quickly and I haven't seen that one since. Finally I decided to check out Survivor, the show that started it all. Turns out I picked a bad time to watch it because it was the sucky Survivor All-Stars season. Not enjoying Survivor kind of made me feel superior again. I didn't like Survivor so I felt I could sweep all that other reality crap under the rug and try to forget I started watching it at all. Turns out, not so much. Since then I have watched another season of Survivor (the most recent one) and liked it. I've seen a few episodes of The Amazing Race and enjoyed them. I watched Wickedly Perfect with Amy where they tried to find America's next not-quite-so-in-prison Martha Stewart. And during all these shows I have finally dropped all pretenses when it comes to reality TV and I now watch whatever I think is going to entertain me. I still don't watch a lot of them though. Only one of them at a time is more than enough for my questionable taste and that's why I started watching Beauty and the Geek, to once again fill the guilty-pleasure void in my TV viewing. Believe me the pleasure doesn't get any guiltier than Beauty and the Geek. It's got all of the elements that make these shows so cheesy and enjoyably bad. (1) It's a competition and people are voted off each episode. (2) The rituals involved in voting people off each week are treated with that insanely reverent style that Survivor started and (3) There's a host who is completely out of place, completely wooden, and looks like he couldn't be having a worse time. All of those things add up to a good 30 minutes of entertaining TV each week, granted the show is an hour long. See, that's another great thing about TiVo. You can zoom right through the commercials as well as all the traditional reality show filler. Beauty and the Geek only has a couple of more episodes left but it has been picked up for a second season. If you have a guilty pleasure void I suggest you catch it when it comes back on.

American Movie Classics, which can only honestly claim one of those words in their title now, started airing Celebrity Charades this week. I read about it a few months ago and thought I'd check it out when it finally aired. I figured it'd be worth seeing once or twice. Amy and I have seen four episodes and we love it. We can't believe how much we enjoy watching it. Just hearing the title there's absolutely nothing about the show that would lead you to believe it's worth your time until you actually see it. Here's the deal: There are two teams of actors and celebrities competing in a game called running charades. The two teams are in separate rooms with a moderator in a third location. Each team sends someone into the room with the moderator and he shows them the name of a movie (both teams do the same movie titles). The team representative goes back to their respective rooms and then act out the movie title. There are five movie titles per round and to win the round your team must correctly guess the five titles and then figure out a theme that links all five movies. Here's why I like it so much: (1) It's a competition and everyone involved takes it seriously. (2) It is really fast paced. (3) The mix of celebrities is always eclectic and respectable, which is not the norm for celebrity game shows and (4) During the time between rounds the interaction between the participants is priceless. Here are a few examples to explain reason #4:

-- In one episdoe Carson from Queer Eye puts his arm around Joe McIntyre (New Kids on the Block) and says, "I'm going to guess your cologne." He then sniffs Joe's neck and correctly guesses he's wearing Carolina Herrera.

-- While snacking on some appetizers Peter Bogdanovich is telling Rosie Perez a story she obviously has no interest in. She keeps saying, "Uh-uh," and looking around to find a way out. Then near the end of his story she says in her crazy Rosie Perez voice, "Oh, you did The Last Picture Show! Alright, alright." [Maybe she only knew him from his most recent movie, Hustle, the made-for-ESPN biopic of Pete Rose.]

--This one is the best. During tonight's episode you could witness the budding friendship between Inside the Actors Studio's James Lipton and figure skater, Oksana Baiul. When they are first introduced to each other Oksana says she knows who he is and watches his show a lot. Lipton replies, "Oh, I am pleased." Later Lipton is talking to her about figure skating and says, "It's a gorgeous sport. It always makes me cry." You can tell this freaks her out by the look of sheer terror on her face. That look is only topped by the "Omigod get this creep away from me" look she gives after Lipton drops this figure skating nugget on her, "The east Germans, I know, used to try to postpone puberty. Some of those kids hadn't ovulated by the age of 18." Priceless. Later everything is smoothed over when they discover they both have ballet in their background. She has always practiced ballet to help with her figure skating and Lipton used to choreograph ballet. Oksana promises to do some ballet with him by the end of the episode.

I don't know if The Sports Guy is watching this show, but the episode with James Lipton would bend his Unintentional Comedy Scale to the point of breaking. It's at least a solid 9 on the scale. Other great Lipton moments were when he practically took over the explanation of the rules and told everyone on the show with that classic Lipton stare, "The most important thing, as every actor in this room knows, is...listening." Also, when asked by another contestant if he has ever played charades before Lipton replied, "Oh, I've played. When I was in the Air Force we played every night...to keep sane." Lipton was in the Air Force? Lipton played charades every night in the Air Force? God, I love this show!

So there you have it. I have no shame when it comes to the shows I watch anymore.

You may have noticed some changes in the column to the right. I decided to do away with the cover art and just list the various things by the appropriate icon. I also added the TV part to highlight whatever I'm watching or looking forward to watching during a particular week. It probably won't be much during the summer.

Drunk as hell but no throwin' upHalf way home and my pager still blowin' up

Rhino is amazing when it comes to comprehensive box sets and album reissues with tons of b-sides and unreleased tracks. They recently announced a new 90s box set that will come out next month (billboard story with the track list is here). I have been debating buying last year's 80s box set, Left of the Dial. It's a collection of college radio hits from the 80s. I have come really close to getting it several times. Jon has it and has said good things about it, but I still haven't pulled the trigger. I still have some gift cards to Best Buy that I got for my birthday. Maybe that'll be what I spend them on. Bygones. The point of this is the new 90s box set. I'm no where near as intrigued by it as I am by the 80s set. I think because the tracklist is so varied. I can see having a set of chart toppers like Rhino's other, more popular 80s set; a 90s version of that would certainly lead to a varied tracklist, but that's not what Rhino appears to be doing. There are too many underground hits mixed in with the chart toppers. As Scott put it, "That sure is a lot of crap but somehow I'm still compelled to want it."

Andrew Unterberger explains in full why the new set doesn't work for him in a new "Playing God" article at stylusmagazine.com. The article is very long but well worth reading if you want to know what a real and comprehensive 90s box set should sound like. (By the way, I was fully behind the guy even before getting to his explanation for Disc 3, Track 17, but if there was any doubt at all, that one sealed the deal. Making the Goodyear blimp say, "Ice Cube's a pimp," is up there on my list of frivolous things to do if I were really rich. It's right behind getting MC Hammer out of debt and just in front of convincing Whitney Houston that she can do better than Bobby Brown. And yes I am aware that that's the second Whitney and Bobby reference on this blog in less than a week.)

One more thing: This "endorsement" should not rule out a 90s box set that focuses on smaller 90s hits, something similar to Left of the Dial. I am just agreeing with the "Playing God" article that the new Rhino collection should have focused on one or the other.

Three TV Shows I Continue To Watch But No Longer Enjoy

1. Baseball Tonight – For years it was something I would watch every night and come away from it feeling that I knew everything that went on that day in baseball. That’s no longer the case. Here’s the “talent” on the show: There has always been an anchor, one or two former baseball personalities, and a writer to do the in-depth analysis. I have never had a problem with the anchor. Well, a while back Trey Wingo would anchor the show occasionally. I don’t care for him doing baseball and if you read this blog regularly you know how I feel about Chris Berman’s Baseball Tonight stints too. The baseball personalities rotate even within a season. Harold Reynolds has been around for a while. John Kruk is new this year. Former Mets GM Steve Phillips is occasionally on the show. There’s always a new manager who was just fired from his team the previous season in the show rotation too. The only former manager I liked on the show was Buck Showalter. The rest (Bobby Valentine, Larry Bowa, etc) are horrible. The analysts are generally good. Peter Gammons has been around forever as well as Tim Kurkjian. I don’t always agree with what they say but they have good baseball minds and are uber-aware of baseball history. The problem lies with the former players and managers (again, Buck Showalter wasn’t bad). Putting the content of the show aside for a moment, the show has turned into The John Kruk & Harold Reynolds Fun Time Show. They do nothing but playfully mock each other’s playing days, throw out tired baseball clichés, and speak in hyperbolic statements that anyone with a brain and a love for the sport eschew before they can even get the entire thought verbalized. As if this wasn’t bad enough, the show doesn’t even attempt to present a comprehensive look at the day in baseball anymore. Some times when the show is an hour long they are forced to talk about teams besides the Yankees and Red Sox. When this happens their lack of insight into the other 28 teams becomes painfully obvious. It all comes down to something I saw discussed on Costas Now this past weekend (and read The Sports Guy mention in “More Cowbell” today), everything in sports journalism has to be black or white. You’ve got to pick a side or sit on the bench. If one guy says the White Sox are for real, then the other guy has to say they will go down in flames. There can be no middle ground. No one will take the time to objectively look at just why the White Sox are on an impressive winning streak. That job usually falls to the analyst but they are getting less and less air time because of the Kruk & Reynolds Fun Time Show. I don’t know why Gammons and Kurkjian even bother showing up anymore. I honestly think they are embarrassed to be on the show at times. I know if I were there it would be hard not to break down and scream at the others, “Just because you are covering a sport which pits one team against another, doesn’t mean you have to discuss it in the same manner!” I still watch this show from time to time, but no where near as often as I have in the past. If I were given the job of coming up with one TV show that would be given guaranteed airtime I’d formulate a better baseball show. Not only has Baseball Tonight sucked the life out of a once insightful show, they are killing my one shot to see my dream of Saved by the Bell in Space become a reality.

2. Six Feet Under – This show started out great. The first two seasons were nearly perfect. If you watch the show, then allow a minute to think back on the first two seasons. Think of those scenes with the dad talking to his family from the grave. Think about Ruth dating that Russian guy. Think about Claire still in high school. Think about the beginning of David and Keith’s relationship. Think about Nate and Brenda as just a couple in lust. Think about how every opening scene made you nervous wondering which character was going to die and how. Good times, no? Now remember the start of the third season with Nate’s brain surgery. Think of Claire starting art school and dating all of those weirdos. Think about Nate and Lisa’s marriage and her eventual disappearance. Think of Ruth marrying the farmer from Babe. Not as peachy is it? Still, not horrible though. They could have recovered. Then the fourth season starts and soon the usual bright spot, Arthur, leaves. Claire is exploring her sexuality and getting high every week. Nate and Brenda get back together, thus ruining Brenda’s seemingly normal relationship with that guy that played the French horn. Rico gets involved with some bizarre adopt-a-hooker program and ruins his marriage. And then the episode to end all episodes, “That’s My Dog,” the one where David gets taken on a not-so magical mystery tour by the crack addict hitchhiker. Currently we are two episodes into the fifth and final season and 6FU has done something to me that few shows have ever done. It makes me want everything to work out for the characters, not because I care about them (although I do), but because I know that a show based on death, neurosis, and existential dread will not exist if everything turns out peachy for everybody involved. So far it’s not going my way. Ruth is as unhappy as she’s been the entire length of the series. Nate seems to be content, but he’s with Brenda so you know that could turn ugly at any moment. Claire is dating crazy Billy. Rico is stalking his dates. David and Keith are trying to start a family which is the only storyline I can see ending positively, but I know it won’t be pleasant getting there. Sheesh! Only 10 more episodes to go.

3. Saturday Night Live – I know more about this show and its history than I do about my own family’s history. I’ve read countless books and, thanks to the incessant reruns, have seen about 90% of the episodes in its entire 30 years of existence. Everyone who’s ever seen the show is aware of the problems. The reoccurring characters are rarely funny, but when they are it doesn’t last past the third or fourth appearance. The heavy reliance on topical humor puts it in a hole that is not easy to climb out of unless there’s a presidential race or a huge scandal happening. Even Weekend Update is dull now thanks to the countless other opportunities to hear the same jokes throughout the week on the late night talk shows or The Daily Show. I can think of five sketch-based comedy shows* off the top of my head I’d rate above the show, yet I still watch just waiting for that handful of moments per season that will make me giggle when ever I think of them. Here’s hoping there’s some sort of cast overhaul during the summer and the show can get back to being semi-respectable.

*The Kids in the Hall, Monty Python’s Flying Circus, The State, Mr. Show, and Chapelle’s Show (of course 4 of these 5 shows have the benefit of not being on the air any more and the fifth one's future isn't certain at this time)

The Big Ass Update

My father and my grandmother-in-law are in rehab. It's not the Whitney & Bobby kind of rehab though. My grandmother-in-law fractured her hip about 2 weeks ago. She'll be rehabbing for most of the month. My dad had knee replacement surgery. The morning of his surgery it was almost cancelled because of a bout with kidney stones. He muddled through though. After a few days of recuperation, Dad was moved to rehab. He had one full day of rehab and then woke up the next morning with heart problems. The doctors ruled out minor heart attack and blood clot and chalked it up to a rise in blood pressure brought on by post-surgery, rehab pain. He will be coming home on Saturday despite only having four full days of rehab. I hope it's enough for him to easily regain full use of his knee in a reasonable amount of time. Both of them are doing well despite their situations.

I wrote about the show Cheap Seats a while back. I wanted to update that by saying that the new season has improved. They still have the studio audience, but the audience audio is silenced during the actual sports clips. That has made all the difference.

In another TV update, Wide Open Country isn't as great as I had hoped. There's usually only one or two videos per episode that I enjoy and I have usually seen them before. By the way, has there ever been a music format that had its popularity burn out so unceremoniously as the video? The channels that made their mark by airing videos have long since abandoned the format. I've heard rumors of MTV and VH1 still showing music videos, but I haven't seen them. I've seen overweight "celebrities" bitch and moan while they try to shed the pounds. I've seen teenagers with remarkably limited vocabularies rifle through the clutter and filth in rooms belonging to three other teenagers of the opposite gender in order to determine which one of the sequestered individuals he or she would like to go out with based solely on the style, cleanliness, and kink of a strangers' bedroom. But I haven't seen a video on these two channels in forever. Granted, I'm not seeking them out either. I'm not saying the diminished popularity of the music video is a bad thing necessarily. I also know what I'm saying isn't a unique or new observation either. I'm just wondering how something that seemed so essential to pop music for about 15 years has practically vanished and has most certainly lost most, if not all, of its importance.

Here's an article on the use of pop songs in advertisements. I have had discussions with a lot of my friends about the very same things mentioned in the article.